Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
