Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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