I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
