Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want nice things and good sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
