i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize