an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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