I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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