3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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