Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
