wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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