In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You pole danced in your parka.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
