You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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