You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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