peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
