Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize