Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
