It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
