he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
