Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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