I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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