I think I won the penis lottery.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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