I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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