Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
