oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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