weddingsv make me drug and hornr
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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