woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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