I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
