she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
