I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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