I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
