Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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