yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The air was thick with penises
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
