I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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