I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
