I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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