The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
