Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
