I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
