Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
