theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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