Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
