I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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