Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
