so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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