FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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