marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
