Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
