He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
