Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
