so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
