I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
