Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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