he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
