Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
