I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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