So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
