I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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