Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
