Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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