my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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