got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't turn off my feet"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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