i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
