ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
