Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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