my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
