U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
