Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
