Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
