you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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