im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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