Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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