so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
